Dancing On My Own
by Igglepuff
Summary: The Prince was in love. With a serving girl. With Gwen. Merthur— seeming one sided


_"I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh oh oh_

_I'm right over here, why can't you see me, oh oh oh"_

_\- Calum Scott_

Rumors spread like wildfire. Of course they would, as much as the royalty hated to believe it, servants saw everything. This lead to his current state. Alone in one of the higher up empty rooms, staring down at the cold courtyard below. His blue eyes dark with pain as his watched the Prince embrace the slight serving girl he had grown to call friend.

The Prince was in love.

With a serving girl.

With Gwen.

Merlin's heart felt heavy in his chest as their lips came together, not knowing the heart shattering in the castle above them. He stood stone faced and quiet. Of course the rumors would be true. Behind him the candle on the table flared briefly before blipping out smokeless.

He was sorry he had to check.

He kept quiet about what he'd witnessed, what he felt. As the months progressed and Merlin watched helplessly as his destiny melted away to another.

It was late one autumn night when Arthur stumbled into his room as his manservent finished stoking the fire. The flames dancing over raven hair and glinting in sad blue depths. The Prince didn't see.

"Merlin!" The bright smile was as painful as it was blinding. The boys stomach churned with ice and he knew what was coming. "I've asked her."

The bowl of fruit clashed to the floor from where it sat on the table untouched, and Merlin's eyes fell to the ground without hesitation. If Arthur recognizes it as magic he didn't mention it. "That's wonderful... sire." If his voice broke on the last word, no one mentioned it.

If the sound made something in Arthur break along with it— he didn't mention it.

oooooo

As the vows were recited and tears fell from those in attendance to the King's wedding Merlin wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. His best friend, his supposed destiny, gently kissing his bride filled his vision and started to swim with tears threatening to fall.

As the first fell, Arthur's blue eyes sought out Merlin's own, and to anyone in the room he looked happy for his master. Yet as they held their gaze for a beat too long Merlin's face crumpled and he had to turn away. Quietly he slipped out of the hall unnoticed by all but those blue blue eyes.

Arthur found him standing by the big bay window outside his chambers. Expression schooled into a mask of stoicism. The Kings fingers seemed to reach out wanting to touch, but he didn't.

"Shall I have George prepare the royal chambers, sire?" The question pulled at something in Arthur that Merlin couldn't name. "It will be his duty now after all."

"What are you talking about?"

The retort was sharp and cut like steel as blue eyes flashed in confusion. Merlin tipped his head down subserviently, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. " He is the servant to the king. Now that you are married—" his throat tightened and he had to swallow the pain to continue "I figured you would do what's best for the Queen."

"What's best for— Merlin! What are you saying?"

"I— apologize, your majesty. I have not been the best servant to you or—" he couldn't. His carful expression cracked as he backed away from his friend. Bowing low at the waist he murmured a soft excuse and was gone before his King could stop him.

"Merlin!"

oooooo

Fingers splayed across the door Merlin rest his forehead against the cool wood. He knew what he had to do. He'd practiced the words so carefully , yet as he opened the door slowly all over thoughts died away. Arthur was holding her in a tight embrace by the fire. Lips locked ever so gently.

He heart broke all over again as he stepped forward and bowed as they took notice.

"Will you be needing my service this evening, sire?" Arthur shot him a tentative smile and he sent back one that barely reached his eyes.

"I believe we're fine for the evening, Merlin. Go, take the night off, enjoy the celebrations."

"Of course, your majesty." Gwen's eyes were searching his and he turned his head to hide the shine. He vaguely heard her soft voice asking if he was alright. It broke him more. I just came to say goodbye. He couldn't say it. Not now, not ever. "I've arranged for food to be brought up later this evening. I know how your pratish appetite is."

Arthur threw a pillow at him he grabbed off the bed, yet, like the jab from Merlin there was no heat behind it. "I thank you, Merlin." It was the last thing he heard before slipping out of the room and heading to the front doors.

He was gone before the dawn broke.

ooooo

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Leon's eyes were bright and worried. Merlin knew he wanted so badly to make him stay. He couldn't though. Not now. Merlin tied his bag to his horses saddle and shrugged.

"I can't stay here right now, Leon." Here s voice trailed off as he put a foot in the stirrup. "Arthur will be the greatest King. I just— need time to make the world stop spinning."

They made eye contact and Leon knew there was no point in arguing. "The King will not find out from me." He reached up and grabbed Merlin's hand to make him look back up as he sighed, "But Merlin, Arthur is your friend. If you really love him as much as I know you to, you'd reconsider."

Tears were falling freely now as Merlin pulled his hand away and spurred his horse to turn around. "If he loved me as I thought he did- I wouldn't have to."

ooooo

"We've searched the whole of Camelot, Sire, Merlin just—" Leon trailed off looking down at his feet as he felt Arthur's gaze burning him. "He's vanished, Sire."

ooooo

One day he will return to the home he knew. One day Camelot will welcome him back with open arms and her King will see. One day he'll be standing there as he has all along, and those blue eyes will finally see.

Until then...

_" I keep dancing on my own"_


End file.
